All tagged mental illness
From a year ago to ever since I can remember, I always struggled with depression. There was low self-image, self-esteem, self-compassion, and self-love. I had no sense of self-worth. Most days, I passively tossed around the idea of suicide. Even when I wasn’t suicidal, fleeting thoughts like “what would happen if I was not here anymore” would cross my mind several times a day. I thought I was good for nothing except to be another statistic of people who took their own lives. Nobody would see it coming. I looked as though I was happy and had my life together on the outside. On the inside, I wanted to die.
As I am going into a 4 month relationship with my loving boyfriend Johnny Fernandes, I have learned so much about myself and how to love someone unconditionally. Learning love is putting the needs of someone else before yours and learning to love them for who they are. Just as Christ does for us. When being in love with someone who struggles with anxiety and depression, there are a few important things to keep in mind:
I remember the first time I ever wanted to end my life. I was fifteen years old; a freshman in high school on the bus ride home from school one day. I had found out that the people I considered to be friends were not friends of mine at all, my fifteen year old heart had been broken for the first time by a boy, and I was on my way to a house that I desperately tried to spend more time outside of it than inside.